How to not pick up a girl...

Start the conversation by saying I look like someone in a show I have never seen, such as Californication.

Follow this, when I politely ask what brought you to this particular city, by detailing your newly-founded porn company. Only to then say you aren't really a porn co. owner, but that is your life goal someday.

And finally...

Blatantly stare at my chest and when I catch you say "You have really nice tits".

The end.

And yes this all really did happen to me on Friday night.